Questions

Sometimes I wonder when my my smile will be true, when my masc will fall and I will never use it anymore...
I always have to be strong but sometimes I want somebady to look me in the eyes and say "I know you're not ok you don't have to pretend with me" and then he hold me and never let me go...
Don't have to cry with my pillow but with somebody I can count on.
Is that so much that I ask??? I just don't wanna be alone...
But at the same time I don't wanna break my heart once again and feel even more sadness.
I know I will be happy someday I just have to do what I feel